Real Talk: Pregnancy Update

I am at the end of the second trimester and I fear what life will be like in the third. The second is supposed to be the "good" or "easy" trimester, but as it progresses it is getting worse for me. Pre-baby I suffered from acid and bile reflux, and now, all of a sudden, my medicines aren't working anymore. If I am not sitting almost straight up when I go to sleep then I wake up in the matter of 30 mins choking on bile that is burning my throat. It is already uncomfortable to sleep as it is with this growing belly full of kicks and movement. My back was killing me before, now it's gotten worse.

Also, I failed my first glucose test. I have to go back and take the three hour one to see if I do, in fact, have gestational diabetes. This really made me kind of lose my shit when I found out. I just felt (feel) so disappointed in myself and my body. I know it is really common these days and it's not the end of the world, but I can't help but to feel how I feel no matter how many times Mr. LL says "you can't feel that way" to me. I can and I do.

Now onto more...positive (?) things. I don't if these are really positive, but they are things that don't make me feel sad or bad about myself and even make me feel a little excited about this whole "making a human" thing.

First, this whole process has surprised me in many ways as I am discovering some things about myself that I didn't know. Before I ever thought about seriously getting pregnant, I was thought for sure that if I did, I'd just have a c-section. Well, right off the bat my doctor told me that those are last resort. So, that wasn't a self discovery but it made me have to stop and really consider what my options were. Initially, I just went "ok, well I'll just get an epidural and that'll be that." Then as we started going to the prenatal classes my hospital offers, I found myself really drawn to the idea of being able to give birth in a position that has gravity helping out and it's not just me on my back pushing till I'm so exhausted I want to die. However, if you have an epidural, that's not an option. You can't feel your lower half so moving around and all that jazz are pretty out of the question. Then I found out that you can get a shot of pain killers in your IV to take the edge off the labor process. Suddenly, I felt like there was hope that I could give birth the way that I want! I double checked and YES even if you get the pain killer, if you still feel like you can't handle the pain you can get the epidural. So I still have that as a back up plan. All of this really surprises me still, because I do not handle pain well. Like at all. The fact that I'm even wanting to TRY to do this is amazing to me.

Second, Mr. LL and I have come up with a plan to get the baby out of bedroom. We technically have a second bedroom but it is home to the cats' litter boxes, tower and the washer and dryer. Not to mention his dad's BowFlex machine (which is covered in books). However, we've talked about where to put the litter boxes, putting down something on the floor and other details to make this room Lazy Baby's room when it comes time to stop having her crib in our bedroom. The reality is we aren't in a position to move anytime soon. It will probably be a couple more years (as long as our landlord is ok with it) before we even consider moving again. Lazy Baby can't share our bedroom that long. 

That's about all I've got right now. My best friend gave me the book Welcome to the Club: 100 Parenting Milestones You Never Saw Coming by Raquel D'Apice  for my birthday and I've been really enjoying it. I'd highly recommend it for new parents.

Pregnancy update

MY JELLY BEAN BABY

It is still so weird to me to think "I'm pregnant." I'm not showing a whole lot, but I can tell that is about to change (hello tight pants! D:). I've not had a whole lot of first trimester symptoms and now that I'm into the second trimester I know I lucked out of having those dreaded symptoms. I'm not quite to the point where I can feel the little blob in my belly yet. So, yeah, sometimes I feel like I tell people I'm pregnant just to remind myself.

Last week, Mr. LL came to his first ultrasound, so at least now someone else has seen the wiggly blob. It was very magical to see his face light up the first time he saw the baby and the first time she moved around and the first time he heard her heartbeat. Oh yeah, we also found out that we are having a baby girl! I'm so excited about this but I was even more excited to hear that she looks great, healthy and right on track with where she needs to be in development.

Now that we know she is a little girl, I've felt comfortable starting to share my baby registry with people. I honestly didn't change any of it to reflect her sex, I still want a pretty gender neutral set up, so it's not like I was waiting for that appointment. But I know that a lot of people were waiting for that announcement before they went shopping. I didn't put baby clothes on the registry because I know people will probably get those for me anyway, regardless of what I put on there. Well, I did put two baby clothes items on there, this and this. I mean, they were just too cute for me to pass up. However, Mr. LL and I both agree that we are not counting on anyone giving us anything. His father has said he wants to buy us a crib and my mother has claimed the car seat, but even still, we are not banking on the generosity of others. While I trust the sincerity of the off of these gifts, life happens and peoples circumstances change. Mr. LL and I both come from modest families and have had to work very hard for what we have. We've had some help here and there, and we've been super grateful for it, but we don't expect anyone to just give us anything. We will, of course, wait until after all the baby showers are done, but once they are all over with, we are preparing ourselves to purchase anything we still need after that point. Especially the bigger ticket items. 

I guess that's really all for right now.