I am at the end of the second trimester and I fear what life will be like in the third. The second is supposed to be the "good" or "easy" trimester, but as it progresses it is getting worse for me. Pre-baby I suffered from acid and bile reflux, and now, all of a sudden, my medicines aren't working anymore. If I am not sitting almost straight up when I go to sleep then I wake up in the matter of 30 mins choking on bile that is burning my throat. It is already uncomfortable to sleep as it is with this growing belly full of kicks and movement. My back was killing me before, now it's gotten worse.

Also, I failed my first glucose test. I have to go back and take the three hour one to see if I do, in fact, have gestational diabetes. This really made me kind of lose my shit when I found out. I just felt (feel) so disappointed in myself and my body. I know it is really common these days and it's not the end of the world, but I can't help but to feel how I feel no matter how many times Mr. LL says "you can't feel that way" to me. I can and I do.

Now onto more...positive (?) things. I don't if these are really positive, but they are things that don't make me feel sad or bad about myself and even make me feel a little excited about this whole "making a human" thing.

First, this whole process has surprised me in many ways as I am discovering some things about myself that I didn't know. Before I ever thought about seriously getting pregnant, I was thought for sure that if I did, I'd just have a c-section. Well, right off the bat my doctor told me that those are last resort. So, that wasn't a self discovery but it made me have to stop and really consider what my options were. Initially, I just went "ok, well I'll just get an epidural and that'll be that." Then as we started going to the prenatal classes my hospital offers, I found myself really drawn to the idea of being able to give birth in a position that has gravity helping out and it's not just me on my back pushing till I'm so exhausted I want to die. However, if you have an epidural, that's not an option. You can't feel your lower half so moving around and all that jazz are pretty out of the question. Then I found out that you can get a shot of pain killers in your IV to take the edge off the labor process. Suddenly, I felt like there was hope that I could give birth the way that I want! I double checked and YES even if you get the pain killer, if you still feel like you can't handle the pain you can get the epidural. So I still have that as a back up plan. All of this really surprises me still, because I do not handle pain well. Like at all. The fact that I'm even wanting to TRY to do this is amazing to me.

Second, Mr. LL and I have come up with a plan to get the baby out of bedroom. We technically have a second bedroom but it is home to the cats' litter boxes, tower and the washer and dryer. Not to mention his dad's BowFlex machine (which is covered in books). However, we've talked about where to put the litter boxes, putting down something on the floor and other details to make this room Lazy Baby's room when it comes time to stop having her crib in our bedroom. The reality is we aren't in a position to move anytime soon. It will probably be a couple more years (as long as our landlord is ok with it) before we even consider moving again. Lazy Baby can't share our bedroom that long. 

That's about all I've got right now. My best friend gave me the book Welcome to the Club: 100 Parenting Milestones You Never Saw Coming by Raquel D'Apice  for my birthday and I've been really enjoying it. I'd highly recommend it for new parents.